January 13th, 2004
Tomorrow we have swimming for PE again. Damn it! Its freezing cold and they expect us to swim? Even if its a heated pool and all, its still freezing! And I have such a bad cold and yet I must swim! Damn!

Just spoke to Soph. *laughs* We were talking about fish and stuff. I agree that the fish is like a huge salmon and all, but we still need to catch it. Damn. Plus I doubt the fish will come to us. *groans*

Spoke a bit to Lai Yee today on MSN. Miss you soo much Lai Yee!

January 10th, 2004
Walked to Royal Ascot with Soph and Sara yesterday... Dead tired.

Fateback's finally up again *yay*. Bro's coming back on the sixteenth - I seriously don't know whether to be happy or not, since he *can* be annoying, but then again he's my bro, and I *do* miss him. *sighs*

January 8th, 2004
Sadly, it seems that Fateback is still down! What's wrong Fateback? I truly worry. Sigh, I better get a pay-server soon. And a domain name along with it. Sigh. I spoke to my brother on MSN yesterday, and he gave me comments and suggestions for my latest fic, "Reincarnated Angel". I seem to have a bad habit of discontinuing my fics, though... Sigh.

Been glum all day. Don't know why. God, please give me strength.

January 7th, 2004
Walked to Sara's today with Sara, Soph and Chia. (I love you guys!) My feet are achingly sore, but it is a kind of pleasurable soreness. Physical aching has ridden me off my mental turmoil.

January 6th, 2004
I some how find myself drawn to the darkness, and death. Death tempts me greatly, yet somehow I do not find the courage to enter its embrace. Poor Death, being feared by so many.

Phew. I survived school today once more. Once again, I thank you, God. Please help me tomorrow... I shall be having a water polo assessment (and as you know very well, God, I can vaguely swim, much less play water polo)...

When will I finally get some mail? Please tell me, God.

January 5th, 2004
Chia said she liked the background of this new layout, but not the picture. In other words, she dislikes Kaoru! But then again, I suppose it is understandable, since that image is completely different from the usual Kaoru, but for some reason, I was drawn to it. And I don't mean because she looks really sultry and sexy and all.

School began today, and thank God, I didn't die. The outer appearance may seem as though I had "fun" or at least, it was a slightly pleasurable experience. But truth is, I detested it. I detested the entire "experience" of it. Conflicting? No, I don't think so.

Once again, I face my "identity crisis". Who am I? Who am I really? I have been the person others want me to be for so long I have forgotten what I want to be. What I want, who I am... Isn't it enigmatic on how people go on about "individuality" and all that crap when the truth is, we are just what our society wants us to be, expects us to be and molds us to be?

I have tried again and again to write an essay on this topic, but my inspiration always seemed to fail me. Truth is, there is no answer or viewpoint to this, since some people, seem to, at least, by nature, are exactly what society wants them to be. And some people enjoy being forced to a mold. But I don't.

Tell me, God, who am I?

January 4th, 2004
I suppose I'm blogging again, which is a rare thing for me to do on the same day. Nevertheless...

Tomorrow is a new term - a new term of pain and punishments to be meted out in school. Life has brought me little joy but much grief. Why is it that few seem to understand what I go through, how I feel? I miss you so much, my dear sister, Sophia. You have left me and Sara for a long time. I hope to meet you tomorrow. It is the only thing I look forward to... And you better be there anyways, since my books are in your locker. If I have yet to thank you, I thank you now, as you are reading this.

January 4th, 2004
I finally update after weeks of unwarned hiatus. In other words... I'm back! Sorry for not not updating for so long. My sudden cease of updates are because I have been terribly occupied with two new websites, and, of course, this new layout, which is a treat to everyone who actually reads this blog. I have been spending ages on this "surprise". The layout features Kamiya Kaoru from Rurouni Kenshin and, well, it is also my little "experiment". What fun experimenting with DHTML scrolling! (By the way, if you are lost - just click on the transparent squares to scroll up or down. Links are the white squares.)

I have fused much of my experience and meager skills to make this layout, and it will be here to stay for a long time. The rest of the shades of forgotten will currently be down until I find time to reformat much of the site.

The two new sites I have been working on are already online! One of them is Soul Scape which is a site for original works (writing, artworks, web-graphics, etc.). It has two "sub-sites" - Illusive, and Soul Scape Exchange (which is a forum). Much of it is still under construction, but you might like to take a look.

The other site is a brushes site, Untitled Brushes. I know that there is a brushes section in Soul Scape, but I felt the urge to create it anyways. Sara (my dear and wonderful sister) has generously offered to place her brushes on Soul Scape. Thus, I will just leave my Photoshop brushes on Untitled. It is already complete - why don't you take a look?

School is starting tomorrow (how dreadful!) and I have barely done much of my homework. *Sighs* It seems I have to say my farewell now... But yet I am in no mood whatsoever for homework. Guess I'll just...